Im lost
walking in a useless existence
my head is clouded
my body is unattached
everything is weighing me down
why cant I make this right
why cant I fix myself?
It’s not like I wanted this
if I could make this all go away I would
but I cant seem to forget you
your always there
like something in the back of my mind
I wish I could forget
at the same time I want to remember
I want to hear, feel, and smell you
I compare everything to that feeling
that feeling of exhilaration I get when your near
it indescribable
that feeling makes me feel alive
like everything could come crashing down
and I wouldn’t care
I’d bury my face in your chest
and let it all fall around me
and when I don’t feel you there
I feel like there’s a hole inside me
I cant fill that void
I’ve tried
no one compares
no one feels as right
nothing feels as good
inside I feel like im falling again
falling into that bleak hole I put myself into
im trying to crawl out
but somehow I force myself back down
down to suffer
I’m waiting for you
I don’t know why but I am
I say “oh yah I’d be with him”
but really its only you
you I’d risk everything for
you I’d do anything for
I’m praying and crying
and torturing myself
and I don’t know y
you wouldn’t want me to
I know u wouldn’t
but still I do
I can see my future so clear thro u
and try to imagine nothing else
because I cant
I cant see anything without u
and this is stupid
I thought all this we went thro made me stronger
and really it just made me vulnerable
I sleep to try to escape
and my dreams seem to just confuse me
more than my reality
I’m trying to resist the temptation
the temptation to drown myself in blood and tears
I haven’t done that in so long
I still have scars on the inside and out from the last time
but with each passing day its becoming harder
right now it seems like
inflicting pain on myself
is the only thing that will ease sum of the pain
but im going to keep stumbling
stumbling through the haze
to find you
to find the other piece of myself
maybe I am crazy
Or maybe u just took my sanity
with the rest of me
maybe I’ll find me someday
I’ll just have to dig it out
because its buried inside u






 
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