I started out so perfect,
I thought.
I was given every chance,
Options to fail or succeed.
Thinking only of my parents,
I chose success.
They loved me,
I thought
Then, I was left by my mother,
I'm sure she tried.
Taken by my dad,
I learned only how to be good,
Obey me, Hear me, Respect me.
I never learned the things I needed.
I had to learn for myself.
Understanding was never on his schedule
I never had a friend
Why wouldn't you be a friend?
So I turned to instant gratification.
Its always there for me,
It loved me,
I thought.
Every night spent with "friends"
Doing the same bad things.
Always, more, more.
Never sober, never thinking,
Thinking of the concequences.
We always wanted more,
but ended up passing out.
Sleeping away our pathetic lives.
They loved me,
I thought.
But now I've had enough.
I can't spend my life away like that.
Its the only one I got.
I've already destroyed my spirit,
and now I've only got the voices in me.
And they love me,
I think.
I trust in them,
I'm putting everything I've got into them.
They tell me to get clean,
They tell me they need clarity.
They tell me to face my demons.
They're telling me right now,
to win or lose.
Its time to call this game.
I gotta know, now.
If I've won or lost.
I've lost,
I think.
I lost a long time ago
way before I realized that I had no one.
back when I was perfect.
back when I had the chance
back before I made the decision.
back before I became confused
back when I was loved,
I thought.
This is it.
I cannot wait any longer.
Is this my life?
Was I destined to live to be 17?
I'm not ready to return to my dreams.
the dreams of a tourtured soul.
The dreams I live out every night.
Small visions of what I have waiting for me.
On the other side.
I'll find out soon.
What this life really is.
I thouhgt I knew,
But I thought wrong.
My lifes been all wrong.
I thought.
 
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