Somewhere in these twisted dreams of mine,
I once found divinity inside of this empty shrine,
I treated my goddess like an angel whom I loved,
and never in my deepest core,
did I think she wasn't enough
the battle I was once fought so hard to win,
has broken me and made me give in,
I've lost the will to fight,
lost the will to travel on this quest,
I've decided I'll let her win,
I just want to lay down,
bleed,
scream,
cry and rest,
what I once thought was such an important mission,
I gave up because I couldn't make anyone listen,
I kept silent about the pain within,
and drowned inside my tears and sin,
I know they saw me hurt,
I know they saw me lie,
I know they knew I was faking,
when I said "yes, everything is alright"
and yet I couldn't find the voice to speak,
I fogot the world had color,
because everything was so tired and bleak,
I fought hard against my self,
to allow it all to end,
and yet I couldn't get so high,
I couldn't even begin,
I sought little ways out,
little ways to prove I was alive,
and still couldn't aceive my goals,
still couldn't touch the star,
for wich I did strive,
and so into the darkness,
of my heart I would travel,
walking over stones in my mind,
as if they were gravel
I told myself the didn't matter,
as I curled into a ball at night,
that even though everything hurt,
it was all alright,
I thought I deserved it,
for how ugly I was inside,
such the little drama queen,
at the sight of truth running to hide
everytime I looked into a mirror,
no matter what anyone would say,
I saw a monster and still do to this day,
fuck you for thinking I'm pretty,
fuck you for thinking I care,
I don't want to live with that pain,
of feeling your eyes everywhere
look at me with hate,
look at me with disgust,
look at me with anything,
except for lust,
I'm tired of being the smiling doll,
and these giant steps I crawl,
just a decoration,
sweet good girl if you will,
I just want to lay down and wait...
for everything to become still...
 
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